In my previous post, “The Ever-Shrinking Circle,” I shared a story with you from the early days of my ministry. I was caught up like so many in the Bible battles, and power struggles rife within my denomination. It was an angry, turbulent time. Pastors felt pressured to choose a side. There was no middle ground. Actually, that’s not entirely true, but if you chose to stand in the middle as a peacemaker, you could count on being pelted by stones from both sides. Something as true today as it ever was.
After another pastor was called to the city church that one of my professors had sent my resume, I decided to pursue my Ph.D. in Biblical Preaching. I accepted a call to serve as pastor of a rural church about an hour south of Fort Worth and Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, where I planned to pursue my doctorate. My experiences in that church forever changed the course of my ministry and understanding of what it means to be a pastor.
The eight years I spent in Glen Rose, Texas, set in motion a chain of events that led to God’s deliverance in my life from the dry, brittle, death-dealing, loyal-company-man demands so insidiously at work in the institutional church and its camp mentality.
Rainbow Baptist Church (Rainbow, Texas) was a typical rural Southern Baptist church with an average Sunday attendance of approximately one hundred and twenty people. There was a house provided for the pastor’s family next door to the church. It was a nice brick house with a fenced-in backyard and a large wood-burning fireplace - two things we had hoped and prayed might be found in our new church. Christina, our firstborn, was not quite a year old, but between her and the other children we hoped to have, this would be a great place to raise a family.
During my first few months, the church grew steadily. I worked hard at preaching and teaching, visiting in the community, and making preparations for my studies at Southwestern.
But I was uneasy. Even now, it’s hard to explain all the thoughts and feelings I was experiencing.
On the one hand, I thought highly of myself. I was recognized as one of the better preaching students at my seminary. A highly acclaimed professor had sent my resume to a prestigious church. Other professors shared lunches and advice with me on a regular basis. My inflated ego didn’t need stroking, but it was getting plenty of it, and I envisioned a bright future. And by bright future, I mean a large, prestigious church and lots of denominational recognition.
On the other hand, I felt inadequate for the task at hand. I was overwhelmed with ministry demands. I remember quite vividly crying out to God and desperately seeking his help. And I don’t know why, but the one thing I prayed for more than anything else was wisdom.
I really wanted to be a godly man. I longed to be a faithful pastor and teacher. Yes, this was all mixed together with my ego and ambition, but it was genuine. It was sincere. I hadn’t left six years of college and a career in business for nothing.
I shared my struggles with a godly man in our church. Pete was a successful businessman. As part of his commitment to The Promise, a presentation of the life of Jesus performed seasonally in an outdoor amphitheater; he had moved to the area. Pete was in his mid-sixties. He served as a father figure for the famous Christian televangelist James Robison. I was blessed to know him.
Pete suggested I meet with his former pastor from Fort Worth. Doug was a little younger than Pete. He earned a Ph.D. in preaching from Southwestern and, at one time, had similar ambitions as myself. But Doug’s ambition led to ministry burnout. He found himself in his office every Sunday morning before worship service, lying on the floor weeping, crying out for God’s help.
Doug left his prestigious church and began a new church in a strip mall. Several other former Baptist pastors joined him. Restoration Church was different. It had both a Baptist and Charismatic flavor without reeking too much of either. The presence of the Holy Spirit was evident in its pastors and people.
The time I spent with Doug was invaluable. The attitudes and approaches to ministry that he passed on to me were more “caught” than “taught.” Which, by the way, is how genuine teaching ministry works. Jesus taught when a student is fully trained, s/he looks like their teacher. Lifestyle, not doctrine, is the product of godly instruction.
Not long after my first few meetings with Doug, God began moving in Rainbow Baptist in a powerful way. It all began during a scheduled week of evening meetings. It was our annual “Revival Meetings.” Of course, the last thing anyone expected was for a real revival to break out. But it did.
And it happened when this young, ambitious pastor stopped the worship service, walked to the pulpit, and confessed to the people God had called him to lead that he was guilty of the sin of pride.
(to be continued."
In Christ,
Dan
My newest book, “Where is the God of Elijah? Overcoming Spiritual Drought,” can be purchased on Amazon here.