The Dark Night of the Soul (part 3)
I’ve taken a few days this week to extend my Monday Mystic Devotional. It’s an important one. Many people have heard of the “dark night of the soul,” but I don’t know how many know it is actually a written historical work.
John of the Cross wrote “The Dark Night of the Soul” in the sixteenth century while imprisoned for his efforts at seeking to reform the Roman Catholic Church. Like so many great writings, both in and out of the Bible, “The Dark Night” was the result of pain, persecution, and an unwavering commitment to Christ Jesus.
In it, John describes why God allows us to experience the spiritual numbness that the dark night brings. We’ve looked at “secret pride,” and “over-attachment to feelings.” As I concluded yesterday’s post, I referred to Job’s experience. Sitting in an ash heap, scrapping festering, puss-filled boils, while he mourned the tragic loss of his children and endured the self-righteous criticism of his friends, Job refused to follow his wife’s advice to “curse God and die.”
I’ve never sat in an ash heap, and my wife has been nothing but good for me during times of pain and persecution, but I know something about Job’s struggle, especially his fellow church members who relished in their criticism of Job.
It was during an especially intense time of upheaval in the church I served that I came very close to walking away from ministry and from the Christian life. Not only were my spiritual feelings and sensitivities numb, but I was being pummeled during a time of significant growth in the church I led.
Growth means change, and let me be blunt - change has contributed to more church wars than any other issue.
So, the church was growing. People were joining and becoming an active part of our fellowship. And the old-timers (just telling it like it is/was) were threatened. I remember a voice mail - “Leave and give us back our church!” What a way to start my day.
My children were targeted. Disgruntled members made sure they heard the things being said about their father. The hallways of the church were not safe for their young ears. I could go on with stories that would curl your toes, but I’m not going there.
The long and short of it is, I struggled for three years. I left the church and began serving in another place but soon learned they had fired their pastor after accusing him of stealing the church. More change. More members fighting to take back “their” church.
For me, there’s only one thing and one thing only that kept me in ministry - I knew from an early age that God was calling me to serve as a pastor. Also, I had some powerful personal experiences with the Spirit of God that were embedded deeply in my spirit.
Feeling nothing of God’s presence in my life, I plodded on. Even with my strong sense of call, I began looking for a way out of ministry and the Christian faith. That’s when God opened a door and led my wife and me to Seoul, Korea. And it was in Seoul that I was surrounded and loved by some of the most wonderful disciples of Jesus I’ve ever known.
It took a good two years, but the joy of my salvation returned, and I experienced the most fruitful years of my Christian journey and ministry.
But here’s my point. The fact that I endured this difficult, dark night of the soul has made me a stronger servant of Christ. Wisdom, compassion, gentleness, and most of all, a stronger sense of what church is and what church should be is woven into the fabric of my being. I’m a better pastor, father, husband, friend, and human being. And all these things were the direct result of my dark night of the soul.
I know it’s tough. It seems like you won’t make it. Your faith is at the breaking point. But God is doing a deep work in you, and when He’s done, you’re going to reap some incredible spiritual benefits.
Lord, I pray for those today who are walking through the darkness of pain, persecution, misunderstanding, and rejection. May they find the strength to put one foot in front of the other in these dark days, trusting that you will lead them into the bright light of your love and grace found in Christ Jesus.
In Christ,
Dan
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